I’ve Been Practicing Gratitude All Wrong
For years, I have tried to develop a solid gratitude practice. Like many others, I followed the standard advice: sit down, reflect, and list what I’m grateful for. A supportive colleague, a successful procedure, and the health of my family—it was a simple exercise meant to keep me grounded while improving my mental well-being. And while it may have had benefits, the practice can become almost mechanical, and its benefits seem to fade over time.
I was missing a key component of effective gratitude. Gratitude isn’t about ticking off a list of good things in your life. It’s about actively seeking out stories of gratitude and diving deeper into the experiences that inspire it. This realization has completely changed my approach, and the science backs it up.
The Science That Shifted My Perspective
The neuromodulator most closely linked to gratitude practice and prosocial behavior is serotonin. Gratitude activates two key areas of the brain: the medial prefrontal cortex and the anterior cingulate cortex. The medial prefrontal cortex plays a role in setting context, framing, and assigning meaning to life experiences. This contextual framing by the prefrontal cortex helps us endure challenges, such as sitting in an ice bath, by shifting our perception of the benefits and increasing tolerance. As a mindset, gratitude engages the prefrontal cortex to shape how we experience situations.
Gratitude isn’t a passive exercise, it’s an active one. To reap the full benefits, you need to go beyond just naming what you’re grateful for—you need to feel it, reflect on it, and immerse yourself in the story. To activate gratitude circuits, you need to adopt the perspective of someone else or directly experience gratitude. The most powerful gratitude experiences come from receiving thanks, such as hearing a heartfelt letter written about you. Additionally, reading or listening to stories that evoke empathy or sympathy—like accounts of people being helped or saved during crises—can deeply activate gratitude circuits.
Gratitude practices like writing lists without reflection don’t engage these circuits as effectively. Instead, focusing on specific narratives and actively seeking gratitude creates a stronger, longer-lasting impact on your brain and overall well-being. What does “seeking out gratitude” look like in practice? It’s about identifying moments of gratitude and digging into the story. The story engages deeper gratitude circuits, fostering an enhanced appreciation for their support and recovery from the trauma.
My New Gratitude Practice
Now, instead of relying on quick lists, I’ve adopted a new gratitude practice:
- Dive Into the Story: I find a narrative that inspires me and write notes on…
- the challenge
- the support offered
- the emotional impact
- Focus on the Gratitude: Focus on the experience from the perspective of the individual receiving help. How did I/they feel? What was it like receiving help?
- Practice Regularly: Reflect on your gratitude story three times a week for a 2 – 5 minutes.
By focusing on meaningful experiences of gratitude instead of making a list of things I’m grateful for, I’ve found a deeper sense of fulfillment and connection in my personal and professional life.
Consider this approach if you’ve been stuck in your gratitude practice—or if you’ve never had one. Engage in the moments that matter to you and reflect on the stories behind them. And don’t be afraid to reflect on the times you were shown gratitude.
Huberman, Andrew. “The Science of Gratitude & How to Build a Gratitude Practice.” Huberman Lab, 21 Nov. 2021, www.hubermanlab.com/episode/the-science-of-gratitude-and-how-to-build-a-gratitude-practice.